The Art of Aging Gracefully

She Said

You taught a Sunday School lesson last month about the aging
process as described in Ecclesiastes and how true it is today
since you have now reached the magical age of 65. Instead
of groaning every time you stand up or sit down, you could
do some flexibility exercises to loosen up your creaky bones.
I am firmly convinced that by eating healthier food and
exercising daily, you could eventually eliminate blood pressure
medication. Instead of driving along beside me while I walk,
you could don a pair of tennis shoes and join me.
When you drop something, instead of pretending you don't see it,
bend over and pick it up. Of course you need to learn how to
bend over and stretch those old hamstrings. You told me the
other day that you noticed a difference in the volume of your
voice as you are getting older. You enjoy talking so much...do
you think you've used it all up? What about your hearing?
Recently at Charles and Kimberly's wedding, you missed an
entire conversation AND IT WAS ABOUT YOU! You just smiled
and nodded your head. I don't mind your gray hair because you
look more distinguished than you did when we were 16 years old.
But as long as they keep putting hair color in bottles, I'll
never be gray. Obviously we all share similarities and changes
as we grow older. We're not as agile as we once were and it
takes us longer to make decisions (for example, in a restaurant
tonight you couldn't make up your mind about what to order!)
but we're stumbling merrily along and frustrating the younger
generation waiting on us. During this month of Thanksgiving,
I'm just thankful that we're living with only the afflictions
we have, and that we can laugh about it together.

He Said

Let's look at the big picture, shall we? My mother had nine
brothers and sisters. Her mother lived to be 90. My mother is
presently 84 and my Dad is 90. My cardiologist told me that I
have great genes and every six months when I visit him, he
says the same thing: "whatever you're doing, keep it up because
it is really working for you." My father had never done
flexibility exercises. My mother has never eaten healthy food
or exercised daily. All of my aunts and uncles who lived to
be in their late 80's and 90's never ate tofu and salads instead
of a real meal. I take that back. The one uncle who rode his
bike every day and ate healthy food along with exercising,
died in his 70's. So I would say that in my family, we have
the propensity to eat what we want without exercising and live
to a ripe old age. If we don't, as my uncle's life can attest
to, we might die early. I hear what you're saying and I appreciate
very much your concern about my health. Saying that, I would
like to remind you that you could have spoken in positive terms
as easily. You could have mentioned that I lost 13 pounds last
month. You could have mentioned that I took a day off last
month to help you set up the rehearsal dinner in Charlotte at
your son's wedding.You could have mentioned that I stood around
patiently while you gossiped with all of your relatives and
friends from a previous life without one complaint. But since
you didn't see it that way, I guess my only solution would be to
trade you in on another model. No, not cuter, not younger but
maybe a newer model who recognizes all of my attributes that
other women adore. OK...maybe they don't exist but since it is
so close to Christmas, a person can wish, can't he?

Diets are not your Forte'

She Said He Said – June 2010 Evince Magazine –

She Said

Another week of confusion on what to fix when you

come over to eat. I know you were on that

100 Days of Healthy Living Diet in the city

because you lost twenty pounds and you were

starting to look like that guy I use to know.

For 6 months I watched you drink low calorie

drinks, eat no bread, eat only one or two cookies

instead of fifteen, and you even walked around

the block a couple of times with the dog and me.

About a week or so ago you started eating heavily

again: hot dogs, cheeseburgers, fries, real Coke,

ice cream sandwiches every night, and enough Oreo's

to make the cows tired of giving milk. Then this

week you tapered off again because you said you

had a doctor's appointment for your bi-annual check

up and he always chastises you about your weight.

It would be a tremendous help to me if you could

somehow co-ordinate your eating habits.

I want you to choose to be fat or be skinny;

just try to work consistency in the equation

so grocery shopping would be less stressful.

Do I buy the real bacon or the diet bacon,

real butter, or the almost taste like butter but not quite?

I am willing to work with you on the diet or at

least keep quiet until you make up your mind to adopt a

permanent weight loss program. Your fat clothes fit

better now and if you start losing weight again,

your clothes will look droopy and you're forced to

buy more. Of course, shopping more for clothes and

less for food might be a good thing so neither one

of us gains any weight.



He Said

Do you like blue or red? Is a Ford better than

a Chevrolet? You are asking me to comment on

something that is almost impossible to answer.

Yes, I want to be thin and yes, I want to look

good in my clothes, but I am going to tell you

right now that I do have this adoration of food.

I really try not to eat so much, but right after

breakfast everyday, I'm thinking about what can

I eat for lunch, or what we are having for dinner.

I think I need a food psychologist to get me out

of this addiction. I don't ever see you eat dessert,

sweets, cookies, or anything like the bad things I

eat. When I ask you what you weigh, you always slide

by the question and change the subject. If I ask

you if you have lost or gained weight, your answer

is always that you are just maintaining your weight.

You exercise 30 minutes in the morning, and walk

two miles a day with the dog, never eat sweets and

just maintain?

I am beginning to think that maybe you are a closet

eater. Just once I'd like to catch you sneaking

around stuffing Oreo's in your mouth when I'm not

looking. You know I couldn't eat a whole bag of

Oreo's by myself. Don't get me wrong I am not

falsely accusing you of being a closet eater,

I just don't understand that when I slow down

my eating sweets and sodas I lose weight, but

when you never eat that junk, you just maintain.

Maybe I should peek over your shoulder the next

time you weigh. It is not that I don't trust you,

I just need to learn your secret. How can you not

lose weight?

Do you see how easy it is for me to turn my eating

habits around to everything being all about you?

Cool huh?