Romance ...In the Beginning

She Said He Said August 2009 Romance…In the beginning.
Evince Magazine

She Said

When I woke up this morning I started thinking about you.

Before your ego jumps off the scale,

let me finish. I started thinking about how romantic you

use to be. I mean, you love me and I love you

and all that, but what exactly happens over time when the

romantic gestures that you made in the past

become old hat? Why can't you be romantic like you were

when we first started dating? The first time

you came to my house you brought me flowers and sent me

love notes almost daily. How long has it

been since you sent me a romantic card to tell me how

much you care? You called once or twice a day

when I lived in North Carolina. Have you forgotten an

$800 phone bill one month? You use to drive

down to Greenville on Wednesday’s at 5 pm to take me

to dinner. That was a 3 hour drive for a 2 hour

dinner and a 3 hour drive back home. What about that

internet arrangement you made with WBTM so

that my family and friends from all over the United

States could hear you propose to me on the radio?

That was beautiful and made me cry. Don't get me wrong,

I have not forgotten all the things you have

done for me over the years and the times you have

whisked me off to New York or the beach . I

appreciate those excursions and since you were going

anyway I just tagged along. (Just kidding. You

begged me to go every time). Don't even get me started

on kissing. Now, Sophie my poodle, gets

more kisses than I do, but unlike her, I don’t leave

a puddle on the floor when you kiss me!




He Said

 
I’ll give you this, when you get wound up on a subject

you go for the jugular. Let's look at this
 
so called problem that you have with our romance, or

lack of. When I came to Greenville, N.C.,
 
you were sitting on the couch, dressed to the nines,

not a hair out of place, smelling like a rose, and
 
a candlelight dinner was prepared with fresh flowers

on the table. The night was not only romantic,
 
but everlasting. You even gave me a handkerchief soaked

in the perfume you were wearing that night
 
for me to take with me on the 3 hour drive back home.

What a pleasant reminder of the evening!
 
Today when I come to your house after work, I don't have

the long drive; I don't have to call long
 
distance to tell you I am coming over. Since I see you

everyday, I just feel you know I care about
 
you without bringing flowers or sending a card. Now compared

to the first days of dating and today,
 
what do I get? I come to your door, I let myself in, the

dog barks for my attention, so I give her a kiss.
 
I holler out for you and you yell back that you are in

the basement, your hair is a wreck, you are

sweating, and  you say don't touch me or you’ll get wet.

You have on old sweat pants and t-shirt. That’s

a far cry from being all dolled up and waiting for me at

the door with open arms. You suggest I go buy

a pizza for supper since you are so caught up in your work. 

Of course you can't go to a movie tonight

because you have papers to grade or you need to paint

the kitchen.

Where in that description did you find room for me to be romantic?
 
No, I think you need to start a new revolution with your

women friends. How about the “Preservation of Keeping Romance

in My Relationship” ? You could start with greeting me
 
at the door, tea in hand, dinner on the table, dressed to

the nines, smelling like perfume
 
instead of paint thinner, and a desire to lead me to

places I have never known before.
 
What a fantasy....I'll run on down to the pizza parlor now...

Honey Darling Dear.

House Woes

She Said He Said June, 2009 Evince

She Said

It's spring and while a young man's fancy turns
to love, this old lady's fancy is turning
towards a house. I would like one that was post
Civil war instead of pre-Civil war. I had a
garbage disposal installed only to find out
that the pipes are too old and narrow for it
to work properly. The freezer door only opens
half way so if I want to put something oversize
in it, I have to pull it out from the wall.
I bought a stove and a "friend of a friend"
of yours installed it so I'm constantly in
fear of looking like I was pardoned thirty
seconds after the switch was pulled every
time I turn it on. The only one who enjoys
my tiny bathtub is Sophie (my standard poodle)
and I usually end up more drenched than she
does. My windows have never been thoroughly
washed because I can't get the storm windows
off and back on again. When I took the screens
off, I just stacked them in the basement for
the next owner to enjoy. Curb appeal...the
shrubs were so outdated that I decided to
trim them but it turned out to be more of
a butcher job. They all died. I connected
the washing machine only to have my neighbor
call and tell me water was running out of
the basement door. So I called a plumber
who knew just slightly more than I did
about plumbing and two days after he left,
I discovered that he had burst a pipe in
the basement. Water had soaked my out of
season wardrobe and boxes of treasures
stored away. The least he could have done
was to inform me before he left. I have
painted each room so many times that the
square footage is shrinking considerably
year by year. My pride and joy is my garden
window in the kitchen. It doesn't matter
that I don't have a green thumb...silk flowers
look great. So the difference between us is
that all of these little nuisances are Venus
issues and you are satisfied with living on
Mars. Do you think we could look for a place
halfway in  between...my geography isn't
very good but Hawaii would be acceptable.

He Said

Let me tell you why men go into their caves,
or retreat to Mars on a regular basis. Go
back and read what you said. To you it has a
meaning, a deep meaning. Now I love you,
so don't get offended by this, but all I read
was blah, blah, blah, blah and more blah.
I did not pick out your house. All of that
whining is probably very important to you.
What about the war in Iraq? What about the
starving children all over the world? What
about breast cancer? What are we having
for supper tonight? I mean really, I did not
see one item that couldn’t be fixed, except
maybe moving your house to Hawaii.  When I
mentioned retiring to Myrtle Beach, your
answer was something to the tune of too
crowded, too much beach, too many weirdo's
or something to that affect.
Maybe you were just having a bad day when you
came up with all these ideas of how bad your house
is. It sounded more like a Dear Abby letter to me
just to get it off your mind. Don't take offense
because any problem you have is either my problem
or turns out to be my problem. So let's look for
some solutions for you. Knock out the wall for the
refrigerator. Get a real electrician to re-connect
the stove. Find a home for the dog so you don't get wet.
Buy new windows. Pave the yard. Buy new wardrobe.
Put up wallpaper in each room. All problems solved.
You are happy. I am happy. We move to Hawaii
or to Myrtle Beach and live happily ever after.
Oh and by the way, what is for supper?