It's a Face Book Thing

She SaidMay 2012 Would you please tell me what is going on between you and the 2nd Love of Your Life:  FACEBOOK!?   If you would spend as much time organizing your "valuable possessions" as you do eavesdropping on other peoples' business, we would be able to walk around the house without stumbling. There is an impression of your backside on the sofa where you sit and scroll around Facebook so much. You're on it at 5:00 AM and when you come home from work, the first thing you do is go to Facebook. WHO IS SHE? There has to be a female involved for any man to spend as much time "courting" as you seem to. You have 3000 "friends" so I know it takes time to keep up with what all of them are doing. What if I fell and broke a leg or something? Would I have to wait until you took a break so you could take me to the doctor? Why would anyone want so many "friends" when you don't know a third of them? Seriously, you do post funny sayings once in a while and your Bible verses are useful but it doesn't take that long to look them up, type them, and you should be done. You say you don't read many comments from other people so where do you go? I can go for days and not look at Facebook and when I do log in, it's to see what my friends are doing. I certainly don't have 3000. I do like finding people I haven't heard from in years and getting caught up with them and I also like being able to pick and choose who I want to friend. The only people I block are the ones who feel it necessary to post what they ate for breakfast and what time they brushed their teeth. Who cares? Oh, I forgot, you do.   He Said Well if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black. Several years ago someone ask me to join Facebook. I thought it was pretty interesting so I joined. The very first time I showed it to you , you commented "looks like a place to pick up girls to me". We weren't even married then and I instantly shut it down and did not go back to it until a a year later when a mutual friend of ours wanted to give her husband a surprise birthday party at Myrtle Beach and ask me to emcee it and wanted to correspond on face book because he was not it and she knew she could invite people privately. You resisted going on face book for years and when you finally gave in, you have thoroughly enjoyed it even though you seldom post . You do stalk all of our friends and you tell all the times things that you see on there that you want to share with me. Let me ask you a question. How many men have you picked up so far on face book or how many men have picked you up? If the answer is zero then you and I are tied. In my four years of being on face book not one person has tried to solicit me to do whatever. Face book for me is a social networking site where friends can share their lives. Yes some post more intelligent post than others I agree, but that is important to them so they post what they feel. I have many face book friends because we share common interest or mutual admiration for each others post. I do try to go on face book while you are getting ready or not home from work yet. That is called consideration. That also is why I don't mind the people who tell me they brushed their teeth. I am just being considerate of their needs. Maybe it's just a face book thing.

The Trailblazing Side of Camping

She Said He Said-March 2012



She Said



This month is focusing on the "Voice of Trailblazers"
and I can hardly wait to hear a friend of ours VOICING
her response to the fact that you're considering the
purchase of a camper. She has been trying to convince
you to keep an open mind about camping for years and you've
had nothing positive to say about it. You don't like
the outdoors, you don't like to sweat, in fact, you don't
like to exert any energy at all when you travel...just
hand you a key to a hotel room and open the door. You don't
want to clean before leaving or listen to people
talking in close proximity to you. Heaven forbid that you
should have to walk to a bathhouse for a shower, etc.
And cooking outside over a campfire would completely freak
you out. Well, I'm ecstatic to finally see you're getting
out of your comfort zone and blazing a new trail.
First of all, you don't have to be outside unless you
want to be.
Sitting under the canopy and watching all of the goings
on in the campground is entertaining and some of the
friendliest people ever like to camp so you'll have plenty
of temporary neighbors to talk to.
About sweating and exerting energy, the campground will set
it up and take it down for you. Not surprising but the
camper we are looking at has its own bathroom so you won't
have to be inconvenienced by walking to a bathhouse. About
cooking over a campfire, I've found that food is delicious
cooked over coals probably because it's more work and by the
time it's ready, everyone is starving. However, this camper
has a stove, microwave, sink, etc., so you shouldn't have
to watch me working myself to death digging a trench,
starting a fire, and hoping I don't burn your food.
(Never mind that I might burn myself!)
One of my favorite things about camping is listening to
the birds singing in the morning and the cicadas chirping
at night. So, I'm really proud of you for considering this
lifestyle change...who knows what lies around
the corner next, OUTSIDE of your frame of reference.


He Said

I wouldn't say that I am blazing new trails, I would
just say that the new way of camping is different from
what you have told me before, with all the digging,
fighting chiggers, freezing to death or burning up while
outside tending to the burning food being cooked in a ditch.
Now someone has offered us a camper with central air
and heat and all the amenities that I need. This I thought
I could handle. But since we have taken a weekend trip to
Myrtle Beach and talked to several campgrounds representatives,
I am not so certain about this camping thing. Don't get me
wrong, I do want to make you happy, but I can think of other
trailblazing ways to accomplish that instead of camping.
Here is what our research has revealed. I would have to pay
a annual fee to store the camper. I would have to pay some
yahoo a fee to set up the camper and take it down. I would
have to pay a daily fee every day that we are on the campground.
I (or more likely, you) would have to dump the toilet waste
or pay someone to do it. I would have to mingle with our neighbor
who is basically sleeping an arms' length away from us. We
would have to be in the campgrounds by a certain time or they
lock the gate, and we would have to park the car outside and walk
to your camp site. I haven't had a curfew in decades!
I believe that is about all the trailblazing that I can take
this month, and I am really leaning toward continuing to take
advantage of all my friends who own their own place inside of
a nice building with privacy, warmth and cheap prices. I will
leave the art of camping to all the camping trailblazers of the
world which is probably not going to include
Sir Camp- A- Lot (that would be me.)

Larry's Christmas

– December 2010

She Said

Every year about September or October you start asking me
to put up the Christmas tree. Up until about 3 years ago,
I had always had a live tree, so it was hard to justify
putting up a live tree in October and having a dead tree
on Christmas morn. Since I have gotten a fake tree as
you now call it, it has given you reason to start whining
earlier than usual. I have seen Christmas decorations
all over town,including the stores where I went to pick
up my Halloween candies. It does not seem right to me to
have to walk through the Christmas section to to get to
the Halloween section. We have just about by passed
Thanksgiving all together and I am sure if we had to
buy something for labor day, we would have had to go
down the Christmas aisles to get to the labor presents.
When I take a walk around the neighborhood I am surprised
to see Christmas decorations already on the houses in
November and Christmas lights already turned on.
There are many reasons that this is not right. One
of course is a higher utility bill in November, and
second of all, I would be growing tired of Christmas
by December the first. Are we going to teach our
children that Christmas starts in November so that
they can teach their children to start in November.
By the second or third generation our great great
grandchildren will be celebrating Christmas in July.
I have noticed that some of the retail stores are
already having sales called Christmas in July. Is
this what the world is coming to. I surely hope not.


He Said

As you know I am a very opinionated person. Here
is my opinion about Christmas. I think that we
should celebrate Christmas all year long. We have
never been to Myrtle Beach when we did not go
into the Christmas store. It is always jam packed,
people are lined up at the counter to buy Christmas
ornaments in April, July, August and October. It
seems to me that people want Christmas all year
long but no one is brave enough to bring it up for
fear of people like you who are locked in a yearly pattern.
Well I am one of the future thinkers of America and
my new platform is to get Christmas in every
month. Think about it. Everyone would be more joyous
and happy every day. Having Christmas every month would
certainly help stimulate the economy with everyone
buying presents, going off to some exotic land to
celebrate the holiday, buying more food to have the
families over for Christmas dinner every month.
Think about all the new things we would be getting
as presents every month to make our lives more fulfilled.
Think about how happy all the children would be to be
getting presents every month. Think about how well the
children would behave everyday with parents threatening
to tell Santa if they were bad, or threatening them
with the idea each month that Santa is not coming
this month if you miss behave. I do believe I am on a
roll now and that this new idea of Christmas every
month in the year could be my ticket to fame. People
all over the world will be calling it Larry's Christmas
month. It will be named after me of course because I
thought of it. In the spirit of Christmas I do want to
thank you for giving me the inspiration for this thought
provoking idea.

Merry Christmas to all from Dena Hill and Larry Oldham –

She Said He Said

House Woes

She Said He Said June, 2009 Evince

She Said

It's spring and while a young man's fancy turns
to love, this old lady's fancy is turning
towards a house. I would like one that was post
Civil war instead of pre-Civil war. I had a
garbage disposal installed only to find out
that the pipes are too old and narrow for it
to work properly. The freezer door only opens
half way so if I want to put something oversize
in it, I have to pull it out from the wall.
I bought a stove and a "friend of a friend"
of yours installed it so I'm constantly in
fear of looking like I was pardoned thirty
seconds after the switch was pulled every
time I turn it on. The only one who enjoys
my tiny bathtub is Sophie (my standard poodle)
and I usually end up more drenched than she
does. My windows have never been thoroughly
washed because I can't get the storm windows
off and back on again. When I took the screens
off, I just stacked them in the basement for
the next owner to enjoy. Curb appeal...the
shrubs were so outdated that I decided to
trim them but it turned out to be more of
a butcher job. They all died. I connected
the washing machine only to have my neighbor
call and tell me water was running out of
the basement door. So I called a plumber
who knew just slightly more than I did
about plumbing and two days after he left,
I discovered that he had burst a pipe in
the basement. Water had soaked my out of
season wardrobe and boxes of treasures
stored away. The least he could have done
was to inform me before he left. I have
painted each room so many times that the
square footage is shrinking considerably
year by year. My pride and joy is my garden
window in the kitchen. It doesn't matter
that I don't have a green thumb...silk flowers
look great. So the difference between us is
that all of these little nuisances are Venus
issues and you are satisfied with living on
Mars. Do you think we could look for a place
halfway in  between...my geography isn't
very good but Hawaii would be acceptable.

He Said

Let me tell you why men go into their caves,
or retreat to Mars on a regular basis. Go
back and read what you said. To you it has a
meaning, a deep meaning. Now I love you,
so don't get offended by this, but all I read
was blah, blah, blah, blah and more blah.
I did not pick out your house. All of that
whining is probably very important to you.
What about the war in Iraq? What about the
starving children all over the world? What
about breast cancer? What are we having
for supper tonight? I mean really, I did not
see one item that couldn’t be fixed, except
maybe moving your house to Hawaii.  When I
mentioned retiring to Myrtle Beach, your
answer was something to the tune of too
crowded, too much beach, too many weirdo's
or something to that affect.
Maybe you were just having a bad day when you
came up with all these ideas of how bad your house
is. It sounded more like a Dear Abby letter to me
just to get it off your mind. Don't take offense
because any problem you have is either my problem
or turns out to be my problem. So let's look for
some solutions for you. Knock out the wall for the
refrigerator. Get a real electrician to re-connect
the stove. Find a home for the dog so you don't get wet.
Buy new windows. Pave the yard. Buy new wardrobe.
Put up wallpaper in each room. All problems solved.
You are happy. I am happy. We move to Hawaii
or to Myrtle Beach and live happily ever after.
Oh and by the way, what is for supper?