It's a Face Book Thing

She SaidMay 2012 Would you please tell me what is going on between you and the 2nd Love of Your Life:  FACEBOOK!?   If you would spend as much time organizing your "valuable possessions" as you do eavesdropping on other peoples' business, we would be able to walk around the house without stumbling. There is an impression of your backside on the sofa where you sit and scroll around Facebook so much. You're on it at 5:00 AM and when you come home from work, the first thing you do is go to Facebook. WHO IS SHE? There has to be a female involved for any man to spend as much time "courting" as you seem to. You have 3000 "friends" so I know it takes time to keep up with what all of them are doing. What if I fell and broke a leg or something? Would I have to wait until you took a break so you could take me to the doctor? Why would anyone want so many "friends" when you don't know a third of them? Seriously, you do post funny sayings once in a while and your Bible verses are useful but it doesn't take that long to look them up, type them, and you should be done. You say you don't read many comments from other people so where do you go? I can go for days and not look at Facebook and when I do log in, it's to see what my friends are doing. I certainly don't have 3000. I do like finding people I haven't heard from in years and getting caught up with them and I also like being able to pick and choose who I want to friend. The only people I block are the ones who feel it necessary to post what they ate for breakfast and what time they brushed their teeth. Who cares? Oh, I forgot, you do.   He Said Well if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black. Several years ago someone ask me to join Facebook. I thought it was pretty interesting so I joined. The very first time I showed it to you , you commented "looks like a place to pick up girls to me". We weren't even married then and I instantly shut it down and did not go back to it until a a year later when a mutual friend of ours wanted to give her husband a surprise birthday party at Myrtle Beach and ask me to emcee it and wanted to correspond on face book because he was not it and she knew she could invite people privately. You resisted going on face book for years and when you finally gave in, you have thoroughly enjoyed it even though you seldom post . You do stalk all of our friends and you tell all the times things that you see on there that you want to share with me. Let me ask you a question. How many men have you picked up so far on face book or how many men have picked you up? If the answer is zero then you and I are tied. In my four years of being on face book not one person has tried to solicit me to do whatever. Face book for me is a social networking site where friends can share their lives. Yes some post more intelligent post than others I agree, but that is important to them so they post what they feel. I have many face book friends because we share common interest or mutual admiration for each others post. I do try to go on face book while you are getting ready or not home from work yet. That is called consideration. That also is why I don't mind the people who tell me they brushed their teeth. I am just being considerate of their needs. Maybe it's just a face book thing.

Open Mouth - Insert Foot

She Said

For someone who hates exercise, you sure don't

mind walking around in your mouth. Just yesterday

I started getting these messages on my email and

now on my facebook page about what you have written

so I thought I'd check it out. I know you like

to use philosophical sayings that you steal from

someone else ( sorry...you do give credit sometimes)

or from some book you found at a yard sale. Most of

the time they are cutesy, and I don't remember any

of them having any meaning.

Now all of a sudden you have come up with a saying

about marriage and you have led our friends into

believing that you are against such a fine institution.

I don't know of any person on this earth who loves

marriage more than you do and if this wasn't

true, why would you keep getting married over and

over again? Back to your statement. When I read

the posting, the first thought I had was negative.

I immediately thought "how dare him say such a thing

about me!?" As I said that was my first thought.

My second thought of course was .."What an idiot!".

I thought you were just showing a seamy side of you.

(Note: I said seamy NOT McDreamy) But I know you.

I know how much you love marriage. I know how much

you love, love. I know that you wouldn't make such

a statement and mean it because when you got home...

there I would be. Not that you have to answer to me;

however, if I confronted you and you didn't have a

reasonable explanation, it would be...”.Lucy you've

got some 'splainin to do”. So I am just going to

let it go this time because I know how playful you

can be and I know without a shadow of a doubt that

you didn't mean...” a wedding ring is the smallest

handcuff in the world” to be about us. I'm sure

it's about some other couple you felt sorry for

and were just trying to make them feel better.

You WERE trying to make someone else feel better...right?





He Said



To be perfectly honest with you, I never gave a thought

about us when I wrote that little saying.

I just thought it was funny and that all my friends

would be laughing. A couple of things happened after

I wrote this.

A...My friends didn't read it, yours did.

B. None of your friends thought it was funny.

They started emailing and face booking you about

what a slug I was. As you know I would never hurt you

intentionally and I really thought you would never

see it anyway so what the heck.

Now I see that most of your friends and a lot of

my friends think I am a selfish, one sided, don't

care anything at all about marriage type of guy.

As my friends all say ...marriage is a fine institution

if you're ready for an institution. You can see I

was careful to give my friends the credit for such a

slanderous statement. I love marriage. Some of my

best friends are married. There are probably a

couple of them who think that their wedding ring

is a handcuff. Not me. I think it is a strong sign of

true love between two people who are proud to show

the world how much they love each other by agreeing

to wear a chain, I mean a cross, I mean a wedding

ring as proof of their feelings for one another.

Hopefully some day you and I will be able to show

the world how much we really care about each other

by wearing a ring cuff, I mean a wedding ring.

What Happened this Year?

She Said

About a week ago it was January, 2009, and we were
planning our year. Now it is January, 2010, and
I don't feel like I have accomplished as much as
I wanted to. I had so many projects planned and
so many ideas about what I wanted to get done in
2009 and somewhere along the way, the year vanished.
Did you steal my year from me? I dislike having to
blame you every time something happens, but really
aren't you the culprit who is usually at fault?
You're a nice guy with a lot of friends and you
love to be the apple dumpling of the FaceBook crowd,
but the idea of stealing a whole year from me, just
tarnishes my view of your charming personality.
I know you are not a thief and I know you wouldn't
do it on purpose but I have lost a lot of valuable
time here and since I don't know where it is,
it must be your fault. I have to say that this year
was a good year though since we still have our good
health, and some of our parents are still with us.
I am not complaining so much as I am wondering out
loud where all the time went. So if you have some
way of making all of this up to me, now would be
the time to do it. I need about three more hours
in the day to get my projects done and then I'll
be happy.
　
He Said

You know the old adage "Time flies when you're
having fun"? You must be having a ball! As we
get older time just flies by a bit more quickly;
everyone over fifty knows that. Where have you
been? Time passing by isn't a problem for me...
getting blamed for everything is the problem.
Must I always be your scapegoat? Some of the
TIME, I don't mind being blamed for things but
stealing a whole year is not my fault and I'll
stand my ground on this one.
I'll admit that I have encouraged you to slow
down, not tackle so many projects, and spend
more time with me just relaxing but most of
the time that hasn't happened. You should
spend more time grazing on the front porch,
sipping cool drinks, and taking trips and
then maybe your year would have dragged by
as mine did.
I am so well rested, I could run a marathon.
We're not getting any younger which means time
will continue to fly by like the wind. Before
you know it, we'll be 100 years old with no
friends, strangers will be feeding us, changing
Depends. and pushing our wheelchairs while
you're bellyaching about not having enough time
to put a new roof on the house or clean the
basement. Fifty years from now, it won't matter
anyway. So start taking it easy...come home
from school, take off your shoes, make dinner,
wash the dishes, fold the clothes, walk to
the dog, and go grocery shopping. THEN we can
settle down in a nice Lazyboy chair, cuddle
up and watch TV. If you would slow down a
little, I promise you would enjoy
life more...or at least longer.

The Other Woman

She Said

After ten years of being together you know I am not the
jealous type. I have never accused you of any wrong doing
and I don't question you about your travels, phone calls,
lunch dates, or even your flirtatious manner. I accept you
just the way you are. Now all of a sudden, SHE comes into
your life.
Don't give me that “What did I do kind of stare”. You
know what I am talking about. The first thing you do when
you come in the house is turn on the computer. You never
used to do that. The last thing you do before you leave,
is look on the computer. What use to take you five or ten
minutes, now takes you one or two hours. I've kept my cool;
I haven't asked you questions. I haven't sneaked up behind
you to see what you were doing ( O.K., maybe one time).
It hasn't really bothered me until now because more and
more of your time is being spent on that computer.
I hear stories about people going on chat lines and
meeting people on line. I have never suspected you
of doing either one of those things. I have never blamed
you or even ask you about what you do on the computer.
But after six months of wondering and debating whether to
ask you about it, you wrote about it in Showcase Magazine
last month. That's right . I am talking about your new love.
The person with whom you want to spend every waking minute.
The one person who fits your needs to a tee and doesn't
talk back, except for a whimsical answer to a rhetorical
question, usually delivered in some cute fashion.

That's right I am talking about your new found friend....Facebook.

Well, she can't fulfill every need. You need to remember
that late at night.

You better start becoming one of my fans...real soon.


He Said

Jealousy. She is a cruel mistress for man or woman. I hate
to get all philosophical on you or even try to defend my
efforts to justify some validity to my life and what I do.
But I am going to try because that is what men do. Many
months ago someone ask me to join FACEBOOK. After I did,
I showed it to you and you asked me why it was necessary.
I told you it was a social networking place
for people to meet and rekindle old friendships.
Your comment to me at that time was " looks like a place to
meet girls to me".
At that very moment, I came off of Facebook for you.
After reading more and more about it and being invited to
rejoin as a social event,
I signed on. A few months later (and not meeting any girls),
I asked you to join. You agreed to give it a try as soon
as school was out.
I showed you what it was all about and pointed out
articles about the positive aspects of Facebook. Many of
your friends had already invited you to join. You have
seen people and reconnected with many old friends and
although you don't participate often you still seem
to check out your Facebook page almost daily. I think
you see the validity in joining such a social networking
class and hopefully you will continue to connect with former
classmates and friends.
Oh yeah, and you might just get to make some new male friends.
Uh oh, I feel that Jealousy mistress creeping back in.
See you on Facebook and I remain your biggest fan.(at least weight wise.)