What Happened this Year?

She Said

About a week ago it was January, 2009, and we were
planning our year. Now it is January, 2010, and
I don't feel like I have accomplished as much as
I wanted to. I had so many projects planned and
so many ideas about what I wanted to get done in
2009 and somewhere along the way, the year vanished.
Did you steal my year from me? I dislike having to
blame you every time something happens, but really
aren't you the culprit who is usually at fault?
You're a nice guy with a lot of friends and you
love to be the apple dumpling of the FaceBook crowd,
but the idea of stealing a whole year from me, just
tarnishes my view of your charming personality.
I know you are not a thief and I know you wouldn't
do it on purpose but I have lost a lot of valuable
time here and since I don't know where it is,
it must be your fault. I have to say that this year
was a good year though since we still have our good
health, and some of our parents are still with us.
I am not complaining so much as I am wondering out
loud where all the time went. So if you have some
way of making all of this up to me, now would be
the time to do it. I need about three more hours
in the day to get my projects done and then I'll
be happy.
　
He Said

You know the old adage "Time flies when you're
having fun"? You must be having a ball! As we
get older time just flies by a bit more quickly;
everyone over fifty knows that. Where have you
been? Time passing by isn't a problem for me...
getting blamed for everything is the problem.
Must I always be your scapegoat? Some of the
TIME, I don't mind being blamed for things but
stealing a whole year is not my fault and I'll
stand my ground on this one.
I'll admit that I have encouraged you to slow
down, not tackle so many projects, and spend
more time with me just relaxing but most of
the time that hasn't happened. You should
spend more time grazing on the front porch,
sipping cool drinks, and taking trips and
then maybe your year would have dragged by
as mine did.
I am so well rested, I could run a marathon.
We're not getting any younger which means time
will continue to fly by like the wind. Before
you know it, we'll be 100 years old with no
friends, strangers will be feeding us, changing
Depends. and pushing our wheelchairs while
you're bellyaching about not having enough time
to put a new roof on the house or clean the
basement. Fifty years from now, it won't matter
anyway. So start taking it easy...come home
from school, take off your shoes, make dinner,
wash the dishes, fold the clothes, walk to
the dog, and go grocery shopping. THEN we can
settle down in a nice Lazyboy chair, cuddle
up and watch TV. If you would slow down a
little, I promise you would enjoy
life more...or at least longer.

All I want for Christmas is......

She Said
We should all learn a lesson from your youngest son, Seth.
He is a master at "rolling with the punches". If we ask him
what he wants for dinner, he says it doesn't matter. If we
ask him what he wants for Christmas, he says he hasn't
really thought about it. If we ask him to come and visit,
he will come if he can. And get this: if we ask him if
he needs money, he says he has enough. Are you sure he's
your son? When I ask you what you want for Christmas,
you smile and say "everything". You start thinking about
Christmas in September so your list of suggestions is
complete around Labor Day. The real Labor Day is finding
all of the impossible trinkets you've asked for. It doesn't
help that stores start putting out Christmas decorations
and playing Christmas music earlier and earlier each year
so that by the time December gets here, it's old news. I
think Thanksgiving should be the first Thursday in November
instead of the third, so we can enjoy more time between
holidays. Why not prolong Christmastime so it will give
you longer to whine about why you're not always getting
your way? Unlike Seth, If I ask what you want for dinner,
you give "picky" a whole new vocabulary. Food is either
too hot, too cold, not seasoned enough, burned, or simply
not what you were in the mood for. And my favorite response
is "Didn't I just see this yesterday?" It took me a while
to realize that you're serious about never eating leftovers.
Leftovers are a godsend when I come home from work at
7:00 pm and you're waiting for dinner. I have a great
idea...just for the month of December, how about you doing
all of the meal planning, shopping, cooking, dishwashing,
laundry, etc., and I'll assume your pose in the recliner
reading, relaxing, or snapping my fingers for something
to eat and drink. If you don't like doing it for one month,
we could always make it a New Years Resolution that will
last for a whole year.

He Said
I will admit that my son Seth is not the proverbial chip
off the old block. I personally feel like Christmas should
be everyday in the year for me. I usually get what I want
all year long except maybe for dinner. I do like odd things
and probably don't fit in the everyday list of whatever
"normal" is. I am picky about my food because I like what
I like. I do enjoy getting my way and I go into my man cave
sometimes when I don't. I do not like leftovers but I can't
ever remember not offering to take you out to dinner whether
you are early from school or late from school. I would
never ask you to make dinnner for me unless I am sick or
you are cooking for yourself anyway. Now about those Christmas
presents. Did I give you my list yet? I thought I gave it to
you in July. This plan of yours about me doing all of the work
in a given month or year, is one we may have to discuss. I
will do the same for you that I did for my ex-wife and just
hire a maid. Of course, when she arrived at the door, my wife
wouldn't let her in because the house was too dirty. It's the
same with yard work. I will hire a yard man and then both of
us can sit on the porch, sip tea, hold hands, and point him
in the right direction when he misses a spot. Anyway, New
Years is a long way off and I'm still trying to digest the
notion that I'm hard to please at Christmas. Just go to
Sounds Unlimited and tell them Larry sent you. They can
certainly please me for Christmas choices but will probably
be at a loss as to what to make me for dinner.
Merry Christmas, Darling.

Ten Reasons to be Thankful

Nov. 2009

She Said

November is such a nice time of the year. Not too hot,

not too cold and the leaves changing giving

us an artist palate of colors in the trees.

Got me to thinking about all the things that

we should be thankful for, so I made my top

ten reasons to be thankful this year for Thanksgiving.

1.Thank you for giving our family good health all year.
2.Thank you for putting good friends in our life.
3.Thank you for letting us have a job that we enjoy.
4.Thank you for giving us the time to spend with our relatives.
5.Thank you for giving us the wisdom to get out of the stock market.
6.Thank you for giving us the knowledge to appreciate our happiness
7.Thank you for our church and the freedom of worship.
8.Thank you for the gift of reading and hearing music.
9.Thank you for the talents that you have given our children.
10.Thank you for giving us the opportunity of sharing your grace and love.

I trust that everyone will stop and think about all the

great things that we have to be thankful for

this year. Yes everyone has had some conflicts on the

economic side, but there are so many things

that we overlook like our health, friends , and family

that loves us and that we love. Just remember

there are others out there that are suffering

and having a harder time than you.


He Said

I feel your pain. I agree with everything that you said.

However , even though every thing you said

is important and I like what you are saying ,

you just didn't think of everything that we should be

thankful for. I have made up my own top ten list of

all the things I am happy for. More than likely

my list might be a tad different than yours, but

that is what attracted us to each other. Our own

individuality. Here is my top ten reasons to be thankful.

1. Summer is gone and no more yard mowing.
2. It is cold outside so no more demands on me to go for a walk.
3. No one asking me to go fishing.
4. Christmas will soon be here.
5. I made it to another birthday.
6. It gets dark sooner.
7. Snakes are hibernating
8. I am another year closer to retirement
9. Time for another John Grisham novel.
10. Another year closer to the day of our marriage.

You can tell by that last statement that I am a very

sensitive person. I didn't just write that to

impress you . Yes I am thankful for all that family

stuff too. And I like what you said about the

stock market and reading and music. But I just think

you thing too large. You seem to be

forgetting all the little things in life that

make up the bigger things.

That is why my list was a little more eclectic than

yours. I only wanted you to remember that not

everyone has the same likes and dislikes about life.

Some people have different priorities. Mine

of course have to do with lawn work (or the need

to avoid it) and finding a good novel to read.

That is why I love you though, because I can always

depend on you to keep me focused...and

for that I am really thankful.

The Other Woman

She Said

After ten years of being together you know I am not the
jealous type. I have never accused you of any wrong doing
and I don't question you about your travels, phone calls,
lunch dates, or even your flirtatious manner. I accept you
just the way you are. Now all of a sudden, SHE comes into
your life.
Don't give me that “What did I do kind of stare”. You
know what I am talking about. The first thing you do when
you come in the house is turn on the computer. You never
used to do that. The last thing you do before you leave,
is look on the computer. What use to take you five or ten
minutes, now takes you one or two hours. I've kept my cool;
I haven't asked you questions. I haven't sneaked up behind
you to see what you were doing ( O.K., maybe one time).
It hasn't really bothered me until now because more and
more of your time is being spent on that computer.
I hear stories about people going on chat lines and
meeting people on line. I have never suspected you
of doing either one of those things. I have never blamed
you or even ask you about what you do on the computer.
But after six months of wondering and debating whether to
ask you about it, you wrote about it in Showcase Magazine
last month. That's right . I am talking about your new love.
The person with whom you want to spend every waking minute.
The one person who fits your needs to a tee and doesn't
talk back, except for a whimsical answer to a rhetorical
question, usually delivered in some cute fashion.

That's right I am talking about your new found friend....Facebook.

Well, she can't fulfill every need. You need to remember
that late at night.

You better start becoming one of my fans...real soon.


He Said

Jealousy. She is a cruel mistress for man or woman. I hate
to get all philosophical on you or even try to defend my
efforts to justify some validity to my life and what I do.
But I am going to try because that is what men do. Many
months ago someone ask me to join FACEBOOK. After I did,
I showed it to you and you asked me why it was necessary.
I told you it was a social networking place
for people to meet and rekindle old friendships.
Your comment to me at that time was " looks like a place to
meet girls to me".
At that very moment, I came off of Facebook for you.
After reading more and more about it and being invited to
rejoin as a social event,
I signed on. A few months later (and not meeting any girls),
I asked you to join. You agreed to give it a try as soon
as school was out.
I showed you what it was all about and pointed out
articles about the positive aspects of Facebook. Many of
your friends had already invited you to join. You have
seen people and reconnected with many old friends and
although you don't participate often you still seem
to check out your Facebook page almost daily. I think
you see the validity in joining such a social networking
class and hopefully you will continue to connect with former
classmates and friends.
Oh yeah, and you might just get to make some new male friends.
Uh oh, I feel that Jealousy mistress creeping back in.
See you on Facebook and I remain your biggest fan.(at least weight wise.)

Pockets of Love

She Said

Are you related to a kangaroo somewhere down the line?
You cram so much "stuff" in your pockets that you bulge
in all directions and then you ask me to get out my
trusty sewing machine and fix your torn pockets like
new again. It's impossible to sew on fabric that doesn't
exist. You probably carry four heavy chains of keys
(and I bet you don't even know what some of them go to),
a trifold wallet ( I've bought you billfold ones that
don't get so fat but you conveniently lose them) receipts
from years past (can't throw anything away), calling cards
that could be filed elsewhere for easier reference, candy,
comb, two cell phones, glasses, chewing gum, and a variety
of pens. Meanwhile, you ask me to put a few things in my
purse for you such as extra glasses, drink packets, Advil,
hand sanitizer, stain remover, lint brush, and camera.
So here we come down the street with me following ten
steps behind you like Attila the Hun with my backpack
so laden with "stuff" that I can hardly walk.
I have two words for you...man purse.


He Said

I should talk about all the junk you carry in your handbag.
But I won't. I am too much of a gentleman.
If I did have a bag like yours , that weighs over 75 lbs,
you would never have to fix another pocket for
my pants. As it is today in our small city, most men are
carrying a wallet, bi-fold or tri-fold, not a man purse ,
and only carry the essential items including money to
buy you dinner each night and to pay for anything we do on a date.

I could carry my personal items in my glove box in my car
and change it out if I drive my other car or we take your car,
or we ride in our friends car to go out to eat.(with money
kept in my wallet). Now that I realize that the THREE times
in ten years that I have ask you to sew up my pockets has
been an extreme hardship on your daily life, I will do my
best to avoid asking you to do such a difficult and time
consuming job ever again.
I guess I could ask my mother to sew them up, who I might
add never complained one time, and always welcomed her son
with open arms whenever he needed a helping hand in any situation.
Yes , I agree you are not my mom, but don't you think
that every man is looking for a woman who treats her man
like his mother treated him? Maybe it is just me and you
are probably right that I took advantage of you on this
“sewing my pocket thing”. Next time just remind me to
give them to my Mother.
Did I happen to mention she never complains?

Romance ...In the Beginning

She Said He Said August 2009 Romance…In the beginning.
Evince Magazine

She Said

When I woke up this morning I started thinking about you.

Before your ego jumps off the scale,

let me finish. I started thinking about how romantic you

use to be. I mean, you love me and I love you

and all that, but what exactly happens over time when the

romantic gestures that you made in the past

become old hat? Why can't you be romantic like you were

when we first started dating? The first time

you came to my house you brought me flowers and sent me

love notes almost daily. How long has it

been since you sent me a romantic card to tell me how

much you care? You called once or twice a day

when I lived in North Carolina. Have you forgotten an

$800 phone bill one month? You use to drive

down to Greenville on Wednesday’s at 5 pm to take me

to dinner. That was a 3 hour drive for a 2 hour

dinner and a 3 hour drive back home. What about that

internet arrangement you made with WBTM so

that my family and friends from all over the United

States could hear you propose to me on the radio?

That was beautiful and made me cry. Don't get me wrong,

I have not forgotten all the things you have

done for me over the years and the times you have

whisked me off to New York or the beach . I

appreciate those excursions and since you were going

anyway I just tagged along. (Just kidding. You

begged me to go every time). Don't even get me started

on kissing. Now, Sophie my poodle, gets

more kisses than I do, but unlike her, I don’t leave

a puddle on the floor when you kiss me!




He Said

 
I’ll give you this, when you get wound up on a subject

you go for the jugular. Let's look at this
 
so called problem that you have with our romance, or

lack of. When I came to Greenville, N.C.,
 
you were sitting on the couch, dressed to the nines,

not a hair out of place, smelling like a rose, and
 
a candlelight dinner was prepared with fresh flowers

on the table. The night was not only romantic,
 
but everlasting. You even gave me a handkerchief soaked

in the perfume you were wearing that night
 
for me to take with me on the 3 hour drive back home.

What a pleasant reminder of the evening!
 
Today when I come to your house after work, I don't have

the long drive; I don't have to call long
 
distance to tell you I am coming over. Since I see you

everyday, I just feel you know I care about
 
you without bringing flowers or sending a card. Now compared

to the first days of dating and today,
 
what do I get? I come to your door, I let myself in, the

dog barks for my attention, so I give her a kiss.
 
I holler out for you and you yell back that you are in

the basement, your hair is a wreck, you are

sweating, and  you say don't touch me or you’ll get wet.

You have on old sweat pants and t-shirt. That’s

a far cry from being all dolled up and waiting for me at

the door with open arms. You suggest I go buy

a pizza for supper since you are so caught up in your work. 

Of course you can't go to a movie tonight

because you have papers to grade or you need to paint

the kitchen.

Where in that description did you find room for me to be romantic?
 
No, I think you need to start a new revolution with your

women friends. How about the “Preservation of Keeping Romance

in My Relationship” ? You could start with greeting me
 
at the door, tea in hand, dinner on the table, dressed to

the nines, smelling like perfume
 
instead of paint thinner, and a desire to lead me to

places I have never known before.
 
What a fantasy....I'll run on down to the pizza parlor now...

Honey Darling Dear.

Stuck in a Food Rut

She Said He Said July 2009 Evince

She Said

Life is too short already and the other day

I just happen to mention that it would be nice

to go to some new restaurant. I didn't really

have anything in mind, just somewhere new for

something different.

I knew just as soon as I opened my mouth, I was

in deep trouble. I braced myself for another one of

your gifted tirades and on going conversation

about why or why not we should try another restaurant.

I have gotten use to you knowing something about

everything. I accepted those terms when we started

dating and became engaged. So I am not challenging

you per se, however I would like to state my

case openly. Steaks, country style steak, prime

rib steak, hamburger steak, pork chops, fried chicken,

creamed potatoes, mashed potatoes, green beans, peanut

butter and jelly, Hall's pastry(everyday),

hot dogs, macaroni and cheese, stewed tomatoes,

pretty much sums up your idea of perfect meals.

I, on the other hand , happen to know that there

are other foods out there waiting to be tasted.

I really don't mind fixing you anything your little

old heart desires because I love you. But how about

some Thai , Japanese, or Chinese cuisine occasionally

just to break up the monotony.? I know you do not

like to try new things and I accept that. But could

it hurt you to think outside the box and take me to

a different restaurant so that my palate could

experience good food one more time before I die.?

Is that asking too much? It's not like I am asking

you to move to another country, I just want you to

enjoy the taste of other cultures. You might find

something you have been missing out on all your life.

Then again knowing you, you might just be happy

eating peanut and jelly sandwiches till you die.


He Said

I can appreciate you asking me to expand my horizons.

I suspect that every woman in the world would

like to change her man into just what she always

wanted, or to put it in your vernacular, Help me to

become the man You always knew I could be. You know

I want to please you. That is what I live for

daily. Most everything you ask me to do, I really

try to do it for you. But FOOD. I mean you are

treading on sacred ground here. A man's home is

his castle and a man's food is pretty darn close

to his money.

I am all for change . Mostly I am for changing you.

How about you trying collard greens, or banana

pudding, or calamari, or peanut butter egg sandwiches?

When I ask you to try these scrumptious items

you turn up your nose and make that funny face as if

I had choked your dog. We are all different and

have our own needs. This week your needs seem to be

eating foreign foods, Hopefully this is a passing

fancy that will go away next time Hamrick' s has a

sale and your mind goes into another mode..like

dresses are on sale. Maybe that will take your mind

off going to foreign restaurants or an exotic

restaurant just to let me enjoy the finer taste

of life that I do not want. Please don't take this

the wrong way. I mean if your mind is really set on

going exotic food , I am willing to sacrifice my needs

to make you happy. I don't always have to have my way

even though it is nice. Besides, they would never

know if I sneeked in a Happy Meal under the table

and if I am going to do this for you, you might as

well be shopping in the collard section next week

at the grocery store. One favor begats another, I

always say.