It's a Face Book Thing

She SaidMay 2012 Would you please tell me what is going on between you and the 2nd Love of Your Life:  FACEBOOK!?   If you would spend as much time organizing your "valuable possessions" as you do eavesdropping on other peoples' business, we would be able to walk around the house without stumbling. There is an impression of your backside on the sofa where you sit and scroll around Facebook so much. You're on it at 5:00 AM and when you come home from work, the first thing you do is go to Facebook. WHO IS SHE? There has to be a female involved for any man to spend as much time "courting" as you seem to. You have 3000 "friends" so I know it takes time to keep up with what all of them are doing. What if I fell and broke a leg or something? Would I have to wait until you took a break so you could take me to the doctor? Why would anyone want so many "friends" when you don't know a third of them? Seriously, you do post funny sayings once in a while and your Bible verses are useful but it doesn't take that long to look them up, type them, and you should be done. You say you don't read many comments from other people so where do you go? I can go for days and not look at Facebook and when I do log in, it's to see what my friends are doing. I certainly don't have 3000. I do like finding people I haven't heard from in years and getting caught up with them and I also like being able to pick and choose who I want to friend. The only people I block are the ones who feel it necessary to post what they ate for breakfast and what time they brushed their teeth. Who cares? Oh, I forgot, you do.   He Said Well if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black. Several years ago someone ask me to join Facebook. I thought it was pretty interesting so I joined. The very first time I showed it to you , you commented "looks like a place to pick up girls to me". We weren't even married then and I instantly shut it down and did not go back to it until a a year later when a mutual friend of ours wanted to give her husband a surprise birthday party at Myrtle Beach and ask me to emcee it and wanted to correspond on face book because he was not it and she knew she could invite people privately. You resisted going on face book for years and when you finally gave in, you have thoroughly enjoyed it even though you seldom post . You do stalk all of our friends and you tell all the times things that you see on there that you want to share with me. Let me ask you a question. How many men have you picked up so far on face book or how many men have picked you up? If the answer is zero then you and I are tied. In my four years of being on face book not one person has tried to solicit me to do whatever. Face book for me is a social networking site where friends can share their lives. Yes some post more intelligent post than others I agree, but that is important to them so they post what they feel. I have many face book friends because we share common interest or mutual admiration for each others post. I do try to go on face book while you are getting ready or not home from work yet. That is called consideration. That also is why I don't mind the people who tell me they brushed their teeth. I am just being considerate of their needs. Maybe it's just a face book thing.

I Know I Should....But

She Said by Dena Hill April 2012 I know I should… but I know how sensitive you can be and I know you can't help it because you're a man. I’ve been thinking recently about some of your problems and this one came to mind: You are full of excuses and even though I can put up with this, I find it hard to deal with your whining all the time. I have come to the conclusion that the problem is you don't realize you're doing it. I've decided, being the kind wife that I am, to gingerly remind you of the little things you could do that would make you a better person. (I could retire if I had a dollar for every time you've said, " I know I should....but.”) 1. I know I should exercise, but… 2. I know I shouldn't drink so many sodas, but.... 3. I know I should help you more around the house, but.... 4. I know I should empty the garbage, but.... 5. I know I should stop collecting so many things, but.... 6. I know I shouldn't eat so much candy, but.... 7. I know I shouldn't talk so much, but... 8. I know I should hang up my clothes, but... 9. I know I should spend less time on facebook, but... 10. I know I should draw and paint more, but... This sounds like Letterman's top ten list and I can't wait to hear your response. I know I shouldn't nag you but....it's fun! He Said by Larry Oldham What I have heard all my life is: don't try to change the person you marry. There are many men in the world and I think that women as a whole should try and find just the right man to fit into their perfect lives. If you talk to 90% of the new brides around town, they will probably tell you that they found that man in their new husbands. As the old saying goes, love is blind. It definitely is blind going down the aisle to the wedding altar. A few years later, you find that new bride making a list of all the things he did or did not do-- as you can see by the current list that you have just handed me. I know I should answer each accusation.....but I won't. No, I will just defend my honor and all men's honor by saying one thing…maybe two. You knew all of these things before we were married. You either liked me because of all of these things, or you thought you could change me and help me to do the right thing. I know I am probably looking at this from only my perspective...but how else can I look at it? I know I should try and see it your way....but. You see where I am going with all these buts? I don't consider this nagging. I do consider this just some levity in your dull school teaching day. I know that you could really write what is bothering you ... but you don't want to air our dirty laundry in public. Excuse me, my dirty laundry. You keep all your clothes washed and ironed. I hate to rush off, but I have got to pick up my clothes at the laundry. I know I shouldn't have said that...but it's fun.

The Trailblazing Side of Camping

She Said He Said-March 2012



She Said



This month is focusing on the "Voice of Trailblazers"
and I can hardly wait to hear a friend of ours VOICING
her response to the fact that you're considering the
purchase of a camper. She has been trying to convince
you to keep an open mind about camping for years and you've
had nothing positive to say about it. You don't like
the outdoors, you don't like to sweat, in fact, you don't
like to exert any energy at all when you travel...just
hand you a key to a hotel room and open the door. You don't
want to clean before leaving or listen to people
talking in close proximity to you. Heaven forbid that you
should have to walk to a bathhouse for a shower, etc.
And cooking outside over a campfire would completely freak
you out. Well, I'm ecstatic to finally see you're getting
out of your comfort zone and blazing a new trail.
First of all, you don't have to be outside unless you
want to be.
Sitting under the canopy and watching all of the goings
on in the campground is entertaining and some of the
friendliest people ever like to camp so you'll have plenty
of temporary neighbors to talk to.
About sweating and exerting energy, the campground will set
it up and take it down for you. Not surprising but the
camper we are looking at has its own bathroom so you won't
have to be inconvenienced by walking to a bathhouse. About
cooking over a campfire, I've found that food is delicious
cooked over coals probably because it's more work and by the
time it's ready, everyone is starving. However, this camper
has a stove, microwave, sink, etc., so you shouldn't have
to watch me working myself to death digging a trench,
starting a fire, and hoping I don't burn your food.
(Never mind that I might burn myself!)
One of my favorite things about camping is listening to
the birds singing in the morning and the cicadas chirping
at night. So, I'm really proud of you for considering this
lifestyle change...who knows what lies around
the corner next, OUTSIDE of your frame of reference.


He Said

I wouldn't say that I am blazing new trails, I would
just say that the new way of camping is different from
what you have told me before, with all the digging,
fighting chiggers, freezing to death or burning up while
outside tending to the burning food being cooked in a ditch.
Now someone has offered us a camper with central air
and heat and all the amenities that I need. This I thought
I could handle. But since we have taken a weekend trip to
Myrtle Beach and talked to several campgrounds representatives,
I am not so certain about this camping thing. Don't get me
wrong, I do want to make you happy, but I can think of other
trailblazing ways to accomplish that instead of camping.
Here is what our research has revealed. I would have to pay
a annual fee to store the camper. I would have to pay some
yahoo a fee to set up the camper and take it down. I would
have to pay a daily fee every day that we are on the campground.
I (or more likely, you) would have to dump the toilet waste
or pay someone to do it. I would have to mingle with our neighbor
who is basically sleeping an arms' length away from us. We
would have to be in the campgrounds by a certain time or they
lock the gate, and we would have to park the car outside and walk
to your camp site. I haven't had a curfew in decades!
I believe that is about all the trailblazing that I can take
this month, and I am really leaning toward continuing to take
advantage of all my friends who own their own place inside of
a nice building with privacy, warmth and cheap prices. I will
leave the art of camping to all the camping trailblazers of the
world which is probably not going to include
Sir Camp- A- Lot (that would be me.)

Music, Manners, and Ice Cream

She Said He Said Feb. 2012
She Said

Since February is the month of love I thought that since I am always picking on you, you can admit it is pretty easy pickings, I thought that this month I would tell you some of the qualities that I find most endearing about you. That about concludes the list so now we can go on to other subjects. Just kidding you. It is a pleasure to be with a man who respects women. You are chivalrous to me and to other women around you, always offering to help with putting on a coat, or offering to open the door for me and sometimes even pulling out my chair at a restaurant, which sometimes scares me because my brother use to pull my chair out from under me and I worry you might find that humorous sometime. The other thing I enjoy about you and us is our enjoyment of the same kind of music. Music that we can dance to, and music that we can identify with that brings back so many wonderful memories. What other man would play our favorite song on the radio and then after the song ends, propose marriage to me live on the radio? You put some thought into that and because of it I agreed to marry you and live with you for the rest of our lives. We can listen to the Four Tops, Beatles, Simon and Garfunkel , Righteous Brothers, and so many other groups from our era and relive precious times from high school up till today. Another wonderful trait is your willing to take me to my favorite ice cream shop as often as I will let you and buy me ice cream. Every night when I come home late from work you never say “what’s for supper”, you always say first , “do you want to go out to supper”, and if I say no then you say “what’s for supper”? There are many qualities that make you shine in my eyes and I just wanted for Valentine’s to let you know I love you and that you are appreciated….sometimes.





He Said



What a wonderful Valentine surprise. Most of the time I spend defending myself in this column and here you are today giving me compliments. I know that you loved the pearls I gave you for our anniversary, nice trick telling me that the first year gift was jewelry instead of paper. My first reaction to your post is that you are buttering me up for a nice Valentine gift. Well that won’t work because I have already purchased a nice Valentine card for you that even sings. I do like what you say and I feel the same way about you. You are honest, trustworthy , a good homemaker, and I can honestly say that my mother loves you for who you are. Taking her with you shopping and helping her to pick out clothes for her goes the extra step in mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships. Every time we go to visit my mother you either fix something for her or ask her if there is anything you can do for her. Cooking a full course meal for my sister and brother-in-law and having them visit our house AFTER Christmas says a lot about the quality of person that you sets you apart from many others. My children love you and all of my family thinks you are special. This means a lot to me. I would also tell you that it is very refreshing not to hear all about my bad traits for once. Maybe we should celebrate Valentine and love more often in this column. No, then no one would want to read about our good side, it is a whole lot more interesting to read about the bad side. At least more humorous. Happy Valentine’s anyway, but just for this one column.

Marriage and the Art of Backing Up -January 2012

She Said

It's a brand new year and a time to look forward to all
of the wonderful possibilities life has to offer; but I
want to take a brief look backward, literally.
At least that's what the highway patrolman told me when
I was sixteen years old and taking my driving road test.
I didn't see anywhere in the manual where there was a specific
time that a driver HAD to look backward when the car was moving
in reverse. I've learned since then that it's any time the car
is backing up. He had the audacity to tell me that I turned
around before I stopped the car completely. Of course I did,
my neck was tired.
And then as we traveled further down the road, there happened
to be a railroad crossing. I heard the train and I saw the track
but it didn't really click in my mind that I should stop until
the last minute.
Fortunately, I managed to come to a smooth stop without slamming
on brakes and ejecting my very important passenger. With his hand
on the door handle, he said "Whew! I didn't think you saw the sign
or heard the train coming". I assured him that I was in control.
When a very nervous blue uniformed guardian of the people got back
to the highway patrol station, he solemnly handed me my license
but also told me that he hoped my parents wouldn't let me drive.
I've always believed that people learn a lot during a testing
situation and I never forgot those two traffic rules. Now, here
is one of those rare times when I have to pay you a huge
compliment...I'm always impressed when I see you back a car,
truck, or bus in reverse. (Except, when you backed a U-Haul
truck into the corner of my house) You don't turn around;
you're adept at using mirrors and do it perfectly. You never
turn around when you're backing out of the driveway or a parking
space.I guess that comes with such rigid training for driving
a school bus when you were 16 years old.
I can tell you right now that the state of Virginia would
probably pay me NOT to drive a bus because when I turn around
and see 50 pairs of eyes staring frantically at me when I'm
trying to back up, I might just park that yellow monster and
walk the students home.





He Said

Thank you for the compliment and you're right... I have never
had a problem backing up. I can't say that about moving forward
though when it comes to driving. The day I turned sixteen and
got my license I went to see a friend so that we could go for
a ride in my parents' car. He wasn't at home and I had pulled
in his driveway. So as I backed out, I hit the car parked across
the street at his neighbors house. I proceeded to leave the
scene of the crime and drive back home. There was no damage,
thankfully, but I had learned lesson. Yes, I had my drivers
license but that didn't make me a good driver. Sort of like
marriage, I guess. You have a marriage license but that doesn't
mean you know how to have a good marriage.
So as you reflect back about your driving skills or lack of
knowledge about how to back up, I will reflect on our first year
of marriage and how it has flown by. Both of your sons were
married, one in Chapel Hill and one in Charlotte. Thank God
for your daughter's help or we would never had made it through
their weddings and definitely not through our own.
You even survived your youngest sons' commissioning in the Navy
without too many tears.
We got though the year after hitting a deer on the highway late at
night and being stranded while waiting for a tow truck. We got
through Halloween for the first time in thirteen years of not
giving out candy because we were out of town.We got through the
year without gaining too much weight. So all in all we both moved
forward without backing up and we made it through our first year
of marriage.
Amazingly we are still married and even though we don't
have a monster yellow bus, we do have two cars that prevent us
from having to walk, even though one of them still has deer
tracks on it.

Happy New Year Darling.

Christmas Forgiveness - December 2011

She Said He Said December Evince Magazine.2011 Christmas Forgiveness

She Said

December is here and the house is filled with laughter, Christmas
music, a beautiful tree, and decorations both inside and outside.
I would like to say that there was joy in putting all of this
together and that we shared those special moments of bliss. I
would like to say that, but I can't. The priority scale in your
life and the priority scale in my life are miles apart. I mean
I love you and all that mushy stuff, but what does it take to
get a man to help around the house? Who said it was the woman's
responsibility to keep the house in order or, in this case, do
all of the decorating? I don't have the space here to name all
of the things that I do and all of the things that you don't do.
Is this just a man thing? I would think that at Christmas time
you would want to put forth a little extra effort to impress me
so that just maybe you would find a little something extra under
the tree.
When I couldn't get a string of lights to work, I changed the
fuses while you drank egg nog and ate cookies. When I connected
the "runway" in the front yard, instead of you helping me with
all of the lights, your back conveniently ached. When I began
wrapping gifts for your family,all I saw of you was your backside
running out the door. I am not asking you to prepare a meal
or make the bed, but I've told you before that picking up your
socks won't give you a hernia. Once when I asked you to empty the
garbage, you said you didn't know it was garbage day. Here's a news
flash: garbage pickup is on Thursdays...EVERY Thursday not just
once a year. An added note: if you'll be a good little boy, you
might just find a little something special under the tree this
year...that you onceagain did not help decorate.

He Said

Christmas is a time for forgiveness. We should all learn to love
one another, especially at this time of year. We should work harder
to please each other because we are in love. You and I, still being
on our honeymoon, should work harder to make each other happy. For
this reason I'm going to forgive you for being so negative during
the holidays. This is a time of reflection about all of the good
in our lives, and how we should be helping others less fortunate.
This is a time to look upon each other as soul mates and true friends
forevermore. Why you want to dwell on the negative aspects of life
and bring all of us down into this dreary pit escapes me at this moment.
You don't hear me picking on all your bad traits. I am trying to bring
harmony and peace into the home. You are trying to bring fireworks
and the idea that I would stoop so low as to try an earn your love and
affection with fake cleaning, and pretending to put decorations on the
tree, or scooping up the garbage cans to prove some type of point.
Why would I want to win favors with you only to get presents? That
just isn't me. I will continue to live my life making you happy and
filling your days with pleasure all year long. I want you to know that
I forgive you for trying to make me feel bad, especially during this
holiday season. I hope everyone out there has seen the follies of your
suggestions and will disregard and forgive you of your shortcomings.
I want you to know that I willbuy you a present this year without any
strings attached, because that's just the kind of man I am.

Merry Christmas to you darling, I forgive you.

The Art of Aging Gracefully

She Said

You taught a Sunday School lesson last month about the aging
process as described in Ecclesiastes and how true it is today
since you have now reached the magical age of 65. Instead
of groaning every time you stand up or sit down, you could
do some flexibility exercises to loosen up your creaky bones.
I am firmly convinced that by eating healthier food and
exercising daily, you could eventually eliminate blood pressure
medication. Instead of driving along beside me while I walk,
you could don a pair of tennis shoes and join me.
When you drop something, instead of pretending you don't see it,
bend over and pick it up. Of course you need to learn how to
bend over and stretch those old hamstrings. You told me the
other day that you noticed a difference in the volume of your
voice as you are getting older. You enjoy talking so much...do
you think you've used it all up? What about your hearing?
Recently at Charles and Kimberly's wedding, you missed an
entire conversation AND IT WAS ABOUT YOU! You just smiled
and nodded your head. I don't mind your gray hair because you
look more distinguished than you did when we were 16 years old.
But as long as they keep putting hair color in bottles, I'll
never be gray. Obviously we all share similarities and changes
as we grow older. We're not as agile as we once were and it
takes us longer to make decisions (for example, in a restaurant
tonight you couldn't make up your mind about what to order!)
but we're stumbling merrily along and frustrating the younger
generation waiting on us. During this month of Thanksgiving,
I'm just thankful that we're living with only the afflictions
we have, and that we can laugh about it together.

He Said

Let's look at the big picture, shall we? My mother had nine
brothers and sisters. Her mother lived to be 90. My mother is
presently 84 and my Dad is 90. My cardiologist told me that I
have great genes and every six months when I visit him, he
says the same thing: "whatever you're doing, keep it up because
it is really working for you." My father had never done
flexibility exercises. My mother has never eaten healthy food
or exercised daily. All of my aunts and uncles who lived to
be in their late 80's and 90's never ate tofu and salads instead
of a real meal. I take that back. The one uncle who rode his
bike every day and ate healthy food along with exercising,
died in his 70's. So I would say that in my family, we have
the propensity to eat what we want without exercising and live
to a ripe old age. If we don't, as my uncle's life can attest
to, we might die early. I hear what you're saying and I appreciate
very much your concern about my health. Saying that, I would
like to remind you that you could have spoken in positive terms
as easily. You could have mentioned that I lost 13 pounds last
month. You could have mentioned that I took a day off last
month to help you set up the rehearsal dinner in Charlotte at
your son's wedding.You could have mentioned that I stood around
patiently while you gossiped with all of your relatives and
friends from a previous life without one complaint. But since
you didn't see it that way, I guess my only solution would be to
trade you in on another model. No, not cuter, not younger but
maybe a newer model who recognizes all of my attributes that
other women adore. OK...maybe they don't exist but since it is
so close to Christmas, a person can wish, can't he?