Being Anti-Social

She Said He Said April 2009 Evince

She Said
It is of some concern to me that you are becoming
anti-social. Over the past few weeks it seems to me
that every time some of our friends call to do
something fun, you have other choices that seem
to be more important. What is more important than
bike riding and getting fresh air and more exercise?
When the neighbors called us and wanted us to go
sledding in the snow, I thought, what a joy to feel
the fresh air sledding up and down the street and
over the hills in the park. Wouldn’t it be fun to
take Sophie out in the snow with her paws sinking
up to her tummy wondering how to get them out?
Where were you in all this frivolity? Sitting at home
looking out the window or eating a snack. Sometimes
our friends want to go to their favorite restaurant
but you hold out for your favorite. So much for
winning friends and influencing people You are a
good guy and all that , but sometimes I see you as
a couch potato if you don't get your way. This may
be a man thing for all I know because it seems to be
consistent in a lot of men. I am not saying you
need to run a 10 k with me, although that would be
nice sometime, or go for a walk with me,
(that would help you regain your high school physique)
but more exercise would insure that we could
grow old together. I am just saying, make an effort
to be in touch with others, enjoy the fresh air, be
true to your friends and let them come first sometimes.
You know what they say about “keeping Mama happy”.

He Said
You don't want me to name everything I have done last
month to keep mama happy. We don't have enough room or
enough time for everyone to read my good deeds I have
done for you.
I do it out of love of course, but somehow, they always
slip your mind. When have I ever declined an offer to
go out to eat. Just last night I offered to go get us a
pizza and you declined because of your relationship with
your doctor and all this stuff about cholesterol. He would
never know if we occasionally sneaked a pizza into the
house for a little quality food. I eat the salads and give
the quiche to the dog, so one bad meal shouldn't set you
back too far. As for the snow, I love it! I love to
see it falling. I love to see it on the trees. But as far
as going out and cavorting in the cold mess, getting wet
and possibly giving me a cold, NO THANKS! I like our friends.
I even suggested they come over and bring hot chocolate...but
AFTER all that sledding stuff, not before. You
took pictures and I enjoyed looking at them. Our friends
took videos and I am anxiously awaiting to see
them, but as far as gallivanting out in the snow, I have
no desire. I never objected to your going and
having fun. I was happy for you and happy I didn’t have
to go. I was free to read my book and look out
the window and watch everyone enjoying the winter. As
far as mama being happy, I called her
and she said it is always a joy to hear her favorite
son's voice. So mama is happy

March....or Something Like It.

She Said He Said March 2009 By Dena Hill and Larry Oldham

She Said

I have a love/hate relationship with the month of March. It is true
that the March winds bring in the springtime. I love that part of the
month. The part of the month that I hate is the time of the month
that I am forced to tell you my monthly plans. March always is the
time of year that I start making out my list of springtime chores that
I want to accomplish. The weather is usually getting warmer, the
trees are getting ready to bloom and it is time to start planning
my gardening, painting, and in general getting ready to get
the house fixed up for summer and all that that entails. The
hate part is the dread of sharing all of this with you. You
always start whining about the “honey do list, why do you
have to help do all these things “, you ask.
This year I am not even going to tell you what I am going
to do, I am not going to ask you to help me, and I have
thrown the “honey do”jar away. So you can relax this year,
I will take care of all the springtime work, and you just
rest up for the coming summer months deciding on
where we vacation, what movies we will see, where we will
eat, who will drive, when we must visit your mother, what
to wear, what book to read next,should you pay someone to
cut your grass, you know all the important decisions
in your life.

He Said

I really don't think you understand how hard I work,
and all the decisions that are important that have
to made in my daily routine. Yes, March is a hard month,
but so was January when you couldn't decide which tile
to lay down on your bathroom floor, or November when
you had to paint the ceiling in the living room, or
September when you had to move the furniture around all
over the house. I mean, look, I know the house is
important to you, and it means a lot to me that
everything is always clean , and the house is always
spotless. I don't want to sound like a male
chauvinist pig, but all that women's need that you
have ,can be taken care of ,as I told my ex-wife, with
a phone call to a cleaning service.
I don't understand the need to clean every spring, mess
it up every fall, and clean it again next spring. All
this cleaning talk is really giving me a headache. Why
don't we just skip this March madness of cleaning,
go get some ice cream, sit on the porch, or go cook
out some steaks.
If we don't invite the neighbors over this year, and we
avoid all our friends , so they won't visit us, who is
going to see the house , dirty or clean , except us.....
and maybe the dog. Have you ever heard the dog complain.
No,I didn't think so. We can all be happy if we work
together on this thing, re-evaluate our priorities, and
learn to live together in harmony. A few germs might help
build up our immune system and help us live longer. On
the other hand we could clean, which could give
us a heart attack, might give us a stroke, or could
affect our immune system by being germ and dirt free,
which could expose us to all kinds of health problems.

I rest my case.

February Is Heart Month- For Most People

She Said by Dena Hill

National Heart Month
(for most people)

February is National Heart Month and I thought this might
be a good time to remind you that your heart is what keeps
you alive. Feeding it ribeye steak, prime rib, mashed potatoes
and every kind of candy bar you can digest does not keep your heart
healthy. I don’t want to get on the exercise subject again because I
know how much it pains you (no pun intended). When we ride
our bikes (twice a year) with our friends and you have to stop to
watch the birds fly (lol) or see the pigeons land, my assumption is
that you are out of wind and need a rest stop.

We try to limit the rest stops to none and you try to limit your
stops to under a hundred. Now I am not your mother
and I am not trying to tell you what to do, but you do need to
love me forever and you always need to be my valentine. Did I
tell you that I plan to live to be a hundred? If you are going to be
with me, then you have to start taking better care of your heart
so we can share many more Valentine Days together. From
now on remember...exercise, eat the right kinds of food, and take
care of your heart. One hundred is not that far away for either
one of us. A little precaution on our part could help us live
longer. If you love me you will start exercising and taking better
care of yourself.

Now go clean your room.


he Said by Larry Oldham


As usual you may be right about this heart thing. I think
most men’s hearts hurt because they are aching over something
that you women have done. I mean exercising and eating
tofu is pretty much a girl thing. Don’t get all huffy puffy on me
now about being sexist. This has nothing to do with sex.
You make a lot of good points. I don’t really have
a lot of time for exercising and such with my busy and hectic
schedule. I have basketball in the winter, football in the fall, volleyball
in the spring, NASCAR through the summer and early fall,
and I do have a job you know. I mean taking care of myself for you
is very important. I want you to be my valentine and all, but do I
have to jump through all these hoops just to buy you candy
once a year?

The bike riding is fine, however, that trail is at least 100 miles
long, and they don’t have rest stops, or snack stands. If I stop
to take a drink from my water bottle, I get accused of resting.
I think a better way of taking care of my heart is to stay at
home and curl up with a good book, a tall bottle of soda, a
Snickers bar, some potato chips, and a good race on TV. I believe
all doctors would agree with me that I am resting my heart, and
they would probably agree with me that I am preserving my heart.
I believe the same as you about taking care of the heart, we just
have different methods. Who’s to say my way wouldn’t work too?

If I live to be a hundred, I can sing I Did It My Way