Food Fight

November 2010


She Said

We were in Chapel Hill last month checking on sites
for the wedding rehearsal dinner (not for us,for my son).
We　ordered food in the restaurant and his meal was
not quite done to his satisfaction. He does this in
about every restaurant that we visit. His food is
either　too cold or 　too hot; like one of the three
bears in Goldilocks. Sometimes he doesn't have enough
ice in his drink, his fries are overcooked or it
took too long to get his food.　Maybe they brought
his food before he finished his salad. I've　seen
him make a mental note of when the next people
are seated and heaven help us if they get served
before he does.　The list just goes on and on.
If I'm not satisfied with something, I just　chalk
it up to　an off night and keep quiet.　But not him,
in　fact, in most all of our favorite restaurants,
the wait staff will run to take their break when
they see him charging through the door.. I have
thought about going in while he is parking the car,
getting a table, ordering my food, and eating my
appetizer before he ever comes in, just so I won't be
associated with all his peccadillo's. Just kidding,
but he does seem to demand perfect food and service
in the classier restaurants. He　expects impeccable
service,　 food cooked exactly the way he likes it,
and even though he does not demand it, he does like
for the manager to come by our table so he can complain.
Don't get me wrong, he can be very complimentary to
the wait staff for a job well done, to the manager
if the food is cooked right, and he even tells the
manager and wait staff to give his compliments to
the chef. That happens once or twice a year. He
also seldom complains at fast food restaurants.

All of this sure is a pity because he really is a sweet guy.
This doesn't mean that restaurants are the only place he
complains though; he complains about many things, but
I am sure if you read this column each month you already
know about that. By the way, if you're looking for me,
I'll be under the table.


　　

He Said

At this same restaurant, we were given two rolls.
You picked up a roll first because I am a gentleman
and ladies goes first. I chose the second roll which
was quite fresh, soft and delicious I might add. I
saw that you took one bite and put your roll down,
and stopped eating. When I ask what was wrong, you
said the roll was too hard to eat. I immediately
ask the waiter to bring you another roll and when
he did, he apologized profusely and later the
owner came over apologized and even brought us
another bread basket full of rolls. He explain
to us that if customers don't point out the problems,
the restaurant can't correct them. Now on the way
home I didn't hear you complaining about my decision
to ask for a soft, fresh roll which, by the way,
you had no problem consuming. Without me bringing
this to the owner and waiters' attention, you
would not have had fresh bread, and the owner would
never have known why you almost lost a tooth.
Your reasoning is that I am just a complainer with
nothing to do except harass the help and vie for
the owners attention. I have run a retail store
and the only way you can correct bad situations
is if you know about them.　 I know I embarrass
you sometimes when I complain and send food back,
but what you take as being a troublemaker,
I figure I am a hero and worshiped as a great
quality control expert for every restaurant
in town. Most of the waiters are climbing all
over each other trying to get to my table.
I have never left less than twenty percent tip,
if I get quality service, and most of them know
it. As a matter of fact, it would not surprise
me if some of the managers are trying to beat
the wait staff to my table so they can get to wait on me.

The Laws of Driving

October 2010

She Said

It's an unwritten law that you're suppose to do most
of the driving. It's my job to sit on the passengers
side and keep you company. I can file my nails, read
a magazine, point out interesting sites along the way,
and talk when I can get a word in edgewise. Recently,
when we went to Pennsylvania to visit my aunt, it
dawned on me that you have a problem telling time
and measuring distance. For some unknown reason, I
was behind the wheel for the first leg of our journey.
We got to Lynchburg and you had to find a bank...
not just any bank...First Citizens. We found out
there are only two of them in the whole city after
driving around for an hour. Then you wanted a snack.
(We had just eaten breakfast in Danville). Then
we drove another forty minutes and you were ready
for lunch. IT WAS ONLY 11:30! I guess you thought
if we eat early, we can get in at least two more
meals before we get to Seneca. Our motto should
be "Eat to live" not "Live to eat". By now it's 1:30
and we've barely made a dent in a 9 1/2 hour drive.
But here's the real kicker: we were leaving the
restaurant after lunch and we literally raced to
the passengers side whereas you exclaimed "It's
your turn to drive. We left at 8:00 and it's 1:30.
I've been driving for 5 1/2 hours!" It didn't
matter that we were only in Harrisonburg. So you
see, if you'd follow the rules of "man drives,
woman rides" we wouldn't have this problem.


He Said

I have never heard of the unwritten law so this must
be something that exists in Women's World. I can
share with you that your addition does not line up
with your story so let us begin there. It is at the
most an hour and fifteen to Lynchburg. Let's give
you the sixty minutes you said it took us to find
the bank. Then we drove another forty minutes till
we ate lunch. At this point we should be somewhere
at about two hours and fifty five minutes by my
calculations. Since we left at eight by your own words,
and have been on the road for two hours and
fifty minutes, this would mean that we ate for two
and a half hours to put us to the one thirty mark.
Now you know that we both agree we did not eat for
two and a half hours. So what does the unwritten law
say about exaggeration ? It is ok though, because I
am a nice guy I am going to give you those five and
one half hours of driving time. After all , I think
you have earned it with your discourse. Since we got
there at about eight thirty P.M., if you will add
from one thirty to eight thirty, I think you will see
that I drove about seven hours. Let's leave this alone
for a few minutes and discuss the real problem with our
trip. Why is it that a woman expects to be chauffeured
around for ten hours, taken out to dinner and have her
meals paid for, have the door opened for her, made
to feel like a woman, on one hand? The next thing I
hear is equal rights,fairness for women, equality in
our daily life, except maybe taking turns driving on
an extended trip. Maybe it is another one of those
unwritten laws about fairness because you don't want
to take your turn driving on vacation. I have got
to be going now.
Driving alone. Off to check on those unwritten laws
and hoping I can find the section on manhood or the
rule about men driving, and women riding. Two and a
half hours for lunch, don't I wish.