The Joys of Camping (not)

She Said

Well, summer is about over and we haven't been
camping yet. In fact, we haven't been camping
since we started dating. Why is that? I love
waking up to birds chirping and waves splashing
along the seashore. I used to fix dinner over
a camp fire and I guess it always tasted great
because it took so much effort to get everything
ready. Sometimes I would wrap a roast, potatoes,
carrots, etc. in heavy duty foil, dig a hole
and start a fire with coals. Then I would put
the package on coals, cover it up and go to
the beach. When I returned, dinner was ready.
For dessert, I would wrap biscuit dough around
a stick (shaved clean, of course) and hold it
over the fire until it was brown, pull the stick
out and fill it with jelly. Other campers would
often come and visit around the campfire until
bedtime. Of course, I had to camp next to the
bathhouse so I could have a hot shower and
electricity for my blow dryer and curling iron.
The campsite with the most amenities is at
Fort Wilderness in Disney World. There are
so many activities to do on that site, some
days we wouldn't even go to the Magic Kingdom
or Epcot. I didn't even mind camping in a tent
until my daughter was born and then there
seemed to be a lot of sand in the sleeping bags.
So we graduated to a camper and we could at least
sleep in beds. Then we decided it was too hot
so we traded that camper in for one with air
conditioning. Sleeping under the stars, breathing
fresh air, and listening to crickets sing us to
sleep was exhilerating. You just don't know
what you're missing. We have a friend at the
bank who would love to introduce you to camping...
why don't I call her and arrange a trip for all of us?

He Said

We have not been camping since we started dating
for all the reasons that you have just mentioned.
I'm not going to go through the whole litany of
suggestions that you are attempting to make .
You didn't mention one item in anything you wrote
that I could enjoy except the part about eating.
I have no desire to make a fire, cook out under
the stars, be outside with the mosquitoes and
chiggers, or visit with other people who are too
cheap to rent a hotel room. I would rather mooch
from my rich friends who owns condos in all the
places I enjoy visiting. The idea of having to eat
bread off of a stick just about makes me
nauseous thinking about it.
My idea of moving up from an un-air conditioned
camper to a camper with air conditioning is sort
of repulsive also. Sleeping under the stars,
listening to the crickets singing is not my idea
of living the good life and when I have to go to
the bathroom in the middle of the night, you are
suggesting that I do my business in front of all
those crickets, or go hunting and pecking for
an outside Johnny House that you and your friends
call a bathhouse. That toilet is more than
likely shared by many others who can't sleep
with all of the crickets howling. No I don't
think so. I will just continue to woo you with
eating out, going to plays, flying you to New York,
renting an expensive hotel or in my case mooching
off the generosity of my friends and when your
urge to go camping gets too strong, you can just
call your friends at the bank, and hitch a ride
with them.
Don't forget the bug spray and mosquito net.
I'll be in the condo if you need me.

The Art of Jealousy

She Said He Said Evince Magazine April 2010 –

She Said

By nature I am not a jealous person. Does not go

well with my personality. You being a Libra have

a very friendly attitude toward the female race.

In all fairness you are also very friendly with

other male friends also. What I am trying to

understand from the female prospective is men's

feelings about what they can do as compared in

theory to what is expected of a woman and what

can do. For example,we go into a grocery store,

clothing store or whatever and you speak to everyone

you know. Sometimes you even touch girls on the

arm while you are talking to them. This really

does not bother me because I know you are faithful,

I know you are a tactile person, and you like to

make people around you feel comfortable. That is

also the salesman in you so I am not really complaining.

Let us now walk into the hardware store, let me ask a

man which aisle is the paint to be found , and when

we leave the store I get from you, why didn't you ask

a female clerk, or why did you ask that guy? I ask

that guy because he was the first person I ran into

with an employee shirt on saying “I am George , I

work in this hardware store, ask me a question”.

It is just the difference between men and women.

I am sure there are flirty women in some stores ,

maybe even the hardware store, but I don't think

you are going to go looking for her. But if we do

talk to a women within five seconds you are

giggling like a two year old, smiling your largest

smile, and touching her somewhere just to be

friendly...and please don't get me started on

hugging.


He Said

Caught red handed. You are right as usual. There is

a double parallel or a double standard when it

comes to men and women. I have my own personal

theory if you would like to hear it. Number one

I do not mean to flirt. I am a touchy feely person,

but always in front of you. If I have ever gotten

too close to a stranger or someone in a store they

have never acknowledged it or neither have you. My

theory is this. Women are in control of everything

in their lives, their children's lives and their spouse's

lives. Men on the other hand are insecure, in need

of attention, and would like for everyone to like

them. When I am being friendly I am just being

friendly. I don't control what the women are thinking

or I don't have some alternative motive in my mind.

I can't convince the hardware clerk to go home

with me if she does not want to. You or women

in general can control the situation from your

prospective. If you like a man you can let it

be known. You can hint that you are single.

You can flirt with your eyes , or even

accidentially get too close to him by mistake.

Most men are looking for an opportunity, so even

the kindest act, smallest touch, gives a man an

inkling that you want him to take you home.

I am sure that the clerks that I talk to at

the hardware store does not want or need me

to take them home. Bedsides, when they see

you and I together ,holding hands, sitting

on the same side of the table in a restaurant,

I imagine they get the hint that you and I are

really together. Just so you know, I have not

met another woman in Danville that is as pretty

or as fun as you. Now New York on the other

hand.(lol)

Romance ...In the Beginning

She Said He Said August 2009 Romance…In the beginning.
Evince Magazine

She Said

When I woke up this morning I started thinking about you.

Before your ego jumps off the scale,

let me finish. I started thinking about how romantic you

use to be. I mean, you love me and I love you

and all that, but what exactly happens over time when the

romantic gestures that you made in the past

become old hat? Why can't you be romantic like you were

when we first started dating? The first time

you came to my house you brought me flowers and sent me

love notes almost daily. How long has it

been since you sent me a romantic card to tell me how

much you care? You called once or twice a day

when I lived in North Carolina. Have you forgotten an

$800 phone bill one month? You use to drive

down to Greenville on Wednesday’s at 5 pm to take me

to dinner. That was a 3 hour drive for a 2 hour

dinner and a 3 hour drive back home. What about that

internet arrangement you made with WBTM so

that my family and friends from all over the United

States could hear you propose to me on the radio?

That was beautiful and made me cry. Don't get me wrong,

I have not forgotten all the things you have

done for me over the years and the times you have

whisked me off to New York or the beach . I

appreciate those excursions and since you were going

anyway I just tagged along. (Just kidding. You

begged me to go every time). Don't even get me started

on kissing. Now, Sophie my poodle, gets

more kisses than I do, but unlike her, I don’t leave

a puddle on the floor when you kiss me!




He Said

 
I’ll give you this, when you get wound up on a subject

you go for the jugular. Let's look at this
 
so called problem that you have with our romance, or

lack of. When I came to Greenville, N.C.,
 
you were sitting on the couch, dressed to the nines,

not a hair out of place, smelling like a rose, and
 
a candlelight dinner was prepared with fresh flowers

on the table. The night was not only romantic,
 
but everlasting. You even gave me a handkerchief soaked

in the perfume you were wearing that night
 
for me to take with me on the 3 hour drive back home.

What a pleasant reminder of the evening!
 
Today when I come to your house after work, I don't have

the long drive; I don't have to call long
 
distance to tell you I am coming over. Since I see you

everyday, I just feel you know I care about
 
you without bringing flowers or sending a card. Now compared

to the first days of dating and today,
 
what do I get? I come to your door, I let myself in, the

dog barks for my attention, so I give her a kiss.
 
I holler out for you and you yell back that you are in

the basement, your hair is a wreck, you are

sweating, and  you say don't touch me or you’ll get wet.

You have on old sweat pants and t-shirt. That’s

a far cry from being all dolled up and waiting for me at

the door with open arms. You suggest I go buy

a pizza for supper since you are so caught up in your work. 

Of course you can't go to a movie tonight

because you have papers to grade or you need to paint

the kitchen.

Where in that description did you find room for me to be romantic?
 
No, I think you need to start a new revolution with your

women friends. How about the “Preservation of Keeping Romance

in My Relationship” ? You could start with greeting me
 
at the door, tea in hand, dinner on the table, dressed to

the nines, smelling like perfume
 
instead of paint thinner, and a desire to lead me to

places I have never known before.
 
What a fantasy....I'll run on down to the pizza parlor now...

Honey Darling Dear.